November.11th.1998

	A past issue is available. o (11.1.98)
The matters discussed here are of national interest. Past topics have included nuclear disarmament, hormone-mimicing environmental hazards, sustainable agriculture and the risk of high levels of scat production to our strained toxic transport systems.

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What kind of twisted new fad will this [people dressed as teletubbies] create among the children who watch this program when they are teenagers? Skull-Pting!!?

Worried about the young,

Christopher, teletubbies are only the latest species in the evolutionary chain of Children's Programming. Using the principles outlined in Charles Darwin's "Origin of the Species", we can safely predict where the teletubby branch will end up. Please consult the geneological tree of pedagological evolution below:

TREE OF PEDOLOGICAL GENEOLOGY

Pre-Sesame Era

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1960: Color TV prompts children to develop the ability to see in color

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1962: Widespread use of LSD causes development of color vision in animators

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1965: First color Mickey Mouse cartoon, features Fabulous Furry Freak brothers as guest celebrities

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1967: Freak Brothers overdose, ending comedic career

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1970: Mickey Mouse discovers cocaine, disco music, creates movie 'Sorceror's Apprentice'

/	|	\
1972: PBS and PCP combine forces	|	Disney purchases North America
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1975: Sesame Street born	|	Walt Disney put in carbon-freeze
|	1978: Jim Henson created, Computers discovered	|
1980: Jim Henson creates Muppets	|	Transformers become more than meets the eye
|	|	|
1988: Muppets morph into Barney	|	First sighting of Power Rangers
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1992: Japanimation hits mainstream	|	Smurfs, Power Rangers combine to make Blue Power Ranger
\	|	/
	1995: ReBoot created fromconjunction of japanimation, Muppets, Blue Power Ranger

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1997: Asian kids have seizures after watching cartoons, prompting better animation

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1998: Teletubbies first appearance, combine all television into children entertainment concept

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Future: Human-sized teletubbies combine with human-sized Best Buy price tags, creating Blue Teletubbies

 

As for what happens after that, we can only wait and see.

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The reason you can't sneeze with your eyes open is that, if you did, your eyes would pop out. The sneeze is similar to a tiny 'explosion' in your body. It creates some force, and puts some pressure on the eyes. The protective action is to shut them. Granted, it may or may not totally pop them out of the sockets, but it's enough of a force that your body automatically tries to protect itself.